Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Working Through the Pain and Anger

I know I'm beating a dead horse here by now, but I really feel I have no options but to post what I can here in order to hopefully work through my anger, frustration, confusion, and pain, as well as leave a permanent and irrefutable record of what the police, DA, and Decatur County, TN, in general, has done - and is doing - to me. I realize by now that I cannot fight them; even though it is obvious to all I have spoken to that it is a blatant abuse of the system and flat-out corruption, I do not have the money to afford an attorney that will be able to really put the screws to them - not to mention that I'm pretty sure the lawyers I have spoken with realize that these cats are not going to be dissuaded from railroading me.

The reason I can't help but keep harping on this is because it is taking its toll on my everyday life, as it has been for months - even months before this all happened. I really wanted to have the sidebar and other features installed on here by now and I would have, but I am having to spend most of the day locating and calling lawyers and legal organizations, seeking help and finding out my options.

The "Powers That Be" in Decaturville, TN have withheld the evidence used to convict me, withheld evidence I needed for my defense, deceived me into signing away my rights, intimidated me when I refused to sign over my rights, threatened me with violence, manufactured and/or falsified evidence... I mean, the entire thing has been like something straight out of a bad movie or TV show - one that is so far over the top that you would walk out of the theater or change the channel!

Now they claim neither the county clerk nor the DA has a recording or transcript of the hearing, but I am certain they will find a witness to testify against me, should I bring a civil suit, counter charges, or anything else against them. And all of this over a "non-emergency" 911 call, which I insist was a set-up (I am sure I called the sheriff's office and they rolled it over to 911 when my name came up on the caller ID).

All I can do is continue to search for some kind of legal help, some kind of counsel and information, and hope and pray for the best. In the meantime, I cannot concentrate on what I am supposed to be doing. I am scared for my freedom and my life! I am also trying my best to find someplace - any place - to move in the meantime.

It is taking up basically all of my time, my concentration, my emotions... I am simply drained. It is so outrageous that they should be able to get away with this without any sort of repercussions or reprisal. I am shocked and ashamed of the state and country in which I live for allowing such atrocities, such injustice, to exist unchecked. And, worst of all, I am afraid to pull the really big guns because I am almost certain they will retaliate with more of the same brutal, point-blank illegalities and abuses they have used at every step along the way in this case.

I don't want to go to jail, I don't want to go to prison, I don't want to fuck with the police or the DA or be dragged into court; that's why I don't participate in any criminal activity! And it eats me up and makes me physically sick that these assholes are stepping so far over the line by harassing, taunting, insulting, and threatening me - instigating situations and provoking me - in order to get me to lose my cool and lash-out in defense, then arresting me for having the temerity to actually defend myself or stand-up to them at all! What incentive do I have to not just do whatever the hell I want when they are going to arrest me and throw the book at me no matter what I do?!

It scares the hell out of me to think that I have to consider going on the lam or suicide as viable means of protecting my very freedom and life in the face of such overt corruption and persecution, and yet this is what I have been doing! And smoking way, way too much. I think I smoked 3 packs of cigarettes yesterday and have gone through 2 so far today...

I look at it this way: maybe I'll get Cancer and die early-on in my prison sentence...

© C Harris Lynn, 2008

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